Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize