He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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