Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
