I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
