She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
