I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
