The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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