you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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