just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
