Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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