i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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