I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
