I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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