Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
