If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
be right there i have to get my cape
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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