quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
