Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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