Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
