Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
please come you make the beer taste better
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
