part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hippo gnu deer
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
