When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
