do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
