My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
