hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
