you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
