he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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