I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
