When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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