we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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