I'm drive I can fine osifer
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
