wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
