You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
