I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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