Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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