I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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