You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
love makes seman taste better
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
