Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
