Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
