she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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