I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
