ya dads aren't the best wingmen
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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