I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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