she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
