im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
