You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
