Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Found your dick twin last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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