Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
