so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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