Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
