even my farts smell like vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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