I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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