I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
