after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
