I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
